Thoughts
by Ysah-chan
Summary: this is a one shot i just came up with while i was doing 'try to feel human' anyway, i might add this kind of idea up in the story but please read this anyway. R&R onegaishimasu. it's a cute story although i think it's a little mushy.


She stood there, rooted to the ground. Her heart felt like she was trying to reach out for him, right there, from where she stood. It's been so long and yet she knew that there was nothing more that she could do to change what happened. She saw his back walk farther away from her. She could simply run to him now, but she held back. She knew there was nothing she could do to change his mind.

_"I met this girl just a month ago. Her name is Mikaru," said Ryoma. "Who is she? And where is she from?" I asked. "She's a student from Fudomine," said Ryoma. "Do you like her?" I asked again. "Maybe I do. Anyway, it might be good for you. At least I won't be a nuisance to you anymore," said Ryoma. "Are you trying to get back on me?" I tried to sound funny. "No, I'd never do that. Well, you can be happy now. I'll try to be happy as well," said Ryoma as he turned his back and walked away. "Ja," he added and with a wave of his hand, he started to walk farther away._

I never had the intention to push him away because of all the people in the world, he was the only person I treasured and will treasure forever. When he left me, I never complained. I never said a word or even disagreed. I knew what he wanted to do in his life and I respected everything in it. I knew he loved tennis so much that I tried to be like him. I know that it wasn't the right way to reach out to him but I did my best until we were almost equally great in tennis. But it simply wasn't enough for him.

After all those years that we were together in America, he left without even saying a word. After training with him everyday, all my efforts never paid off. But I didn't give up.

After three months, I sought permission from my dad to study in Japan and search for him there. It took me a while to finally locate where he was. It was a hard search. I traveled cities and I was so alone. I was scared but I had to be strong for myself so I wouldn't lose hope in finding him. I knew I'd be able to find him sooner or later, my hope was never fading. Although my body was already tired, my heart fought to keep me up.

And there I found him, in a school in Tokyo. I found his address through a magazine that I read when I was checking on a tennis shop. He was studying in Seishun Gakuen, a famous tennis school in Japan. I was very happy. My head was almost spinning and ala I said aloud, 'I finally found him!'

But it was far too early for me to celebrate. I never expected anything else to happen that day. And there I thought that by seeing me, he would be delighted. But I was wrong. I felt his words digging into my heart as he pushed me away from his. I felt disgust in those words passing his lips. As if I was garbage that he never wanted. It never occurred to me that by this moment, things were to change in the most unpredictable way I never imagined. This was a world I never saw even in my deepest and wildest dreams. I never knew that the person I loved, cherished and longed for in a very long time, felt so disgusted by my mere existence.

There and then, I decided, I left him. I deserted his life, believing that if I put all my effort into doing this, I would be able to carry on with the life that I wanted, without him. I thought that by merely telling my heart to no longer beat for this person, it would do so. Let it be damned! I was wrong with everything that I thought!

He's been there all the time. Upon learning what I've decided to do, he talked to me. We had a match and there he told me his thoughts and his plans. He said he wanted me back in his life again and that he was willing to change if it would mean that I would be there. I said I would always be there, only as a friend who would stay forever by his side. But he was persistent to see my bright smile back again. He said he felt like a very weak person each time he sees a frown written upon my face. He said he felt his heart breaking upon hearing my sad declaration of carrying life on without him by my side or without me by his. He said that he would change.

He would smile for me.

He would feel for me.

And of all the promises he made, he tried his best. He changed. From the Ryoma I used to know to the Ryoma that he is now. I couldn't believe it to be possible, but it is. He changed for me. But this Ryoma is not like the person I loved before. He changed, completely. He has changed so much about himself that even his heart no longer remembers the past happenings in our childhood that I so cherished with my life. By that, I felt another promise being broken. He left me again, for the second time in my life.

But realizing this I realized another. I never stopped loving him. All this time, while we were trying to help each other and everyone else, my heart thumped in my chest. I felt it beating ever so dearly in my chest. I felt the same warmth that I felt whenever he was there to protect me like his beloved princess. My heart, it never actually stopped beating for him. I was only able to realize it after all the trials we passed since we've been back as friends. I felt my heart and my feelings being soaked with tears that ran down my pale cheeks. I felt so lonely again.

I remember when Natsume arrived from France. Ryoma never left my side. He protected me and fought for me against Natsume. He never let go of my hand. Although he knew the difficulties of tackling that life with me against Natsume, he never gave up. We were put through difficult times but he never let go of my hand. He always held it with his and kept me close as if I were his treasure. He was always like that, treasuring me while we were in several difficult occasions against Natsume and the fate that we never understood. He embraced me tightly when I felt lonely and cold. He said he'd give all his warmth to me even if it would mean that he'd lose his life.

He was willing to sacrifice everything for me during those times. And I was willing to do so as well. But I never went back to my words. We remained friends all this time that we were facing problems and difficulties. Many wondered why it was so. They questioned my decision and tried to force me into going out with him once again. I felt the warmth of his hands upon mine again as he squeezed and gave me comfort.

_"You don't have to be pressured by what other people tell you. Even if your heart doesn't beat for anyone other than yourself, it doesn't matter. Mine won't beat for anyone else other than you, that's for sure," _

I recalled these words of his as I stared at his fading back. As he left, I felt all his memories with me fading away. I felt so helpless. I wanted to cry but couldn't pull myself to do so. I felt a sharp stab in my heart as if it was being cut in two. Even if I tell him to come back, he'd never come back. He's moved on already, I'm no longer anyone significant to his life. I'm only his childhood friend. His acquaintance. His past memory that he would no longer try to remember now that he has found someone else to think about.

And now, as I enter my shared apartment with friends such as Sakuno and my two other sempai-tachi, my life flashed back before me. I couldn't understand why I was so helpless when he left me back then, in America. And now, I still couldn't understand. Whatever his reason was, I guess I was never worthy to understand that reason. I never was the most important person in his life. I'm just someone he met. Someone he'd soon forget after all this ends.

There inside the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror of our medicine cabinet. I smiled my last smile to the world. And as I opened the medicine cabinet, I felt warm tears rolling down my cheeks. I tasted the saltiness of each tear as it passed my lips. These were the last tears I would cry for him. I won't be able to cry for him any longer.

_Ryoma's view…_

That was it, I finally said it. I know she's moved on without me by her side and now it's my turn. He was never this good in lying. All his life, all he did was tell people how they were, frankly, directly. He never lied. But now, everything he told her was a lie. Mikaru from Fudomine, was a girl he came up with to prove to her that he was starting to carry on with his life as a normal young man.

"Echizen!" he heard his sempai call as he walked inside the Kawamura sushi shop.

All the regulars of the boys' tennis club were there, they were celebrating because of their triumph in the past tournament. He enjoyed himself. He tried to be merry, his thoughts not being interrupted by anything at all. He ate. He drank and he was merry. He joined his sempai-tachi as they merrily celebrated the triumph of their beloved team. It was a difficult tournament that they've won, after all. The celebration was one thing they could and should enjoy for the time being since the next tournaments would limit their time for enjoyment.

The there was a loud sound of a bicycle being dropped heard from outside. The wooden sliding door was suddenly opened. One of their friends, Tenshi, entered the sushi shop. Tears were running down her cheeks and she was terribly trembling as her eyes searched for the captain.

I couldn't understand why. But something about her reaction worried me. My heart began to beat uncontrollably. I felt like I was being pulled to helplessness. I couldn't think of any logical explanation why. And suddenly a face appeared in my mind.

"What happened? Tell me," I heard the buchou's voice as he asked his girlfriend.

She was struggling to say it. She was out of breath from probably biking so fast from where she came from. Plus, her crying did not help her at all. She was almost fainting when two other girls from the girls' tennis club arrived. They were both restless.

"Moi-chan? Ashika-chan? What's happened? Why are you all like this?" Momo-sempai asked the two people who just arrived. "We found her…" Ashika cut off.

She burst out crying like Tenshi. She couldn't say it.

"What is it?!" Fuji-sempai asked, he was getting more and more frustrated now. "Tell us what happened, damn it!" Kaidoh yelled and banged his cup on the table.

Finally, someone spoke from the three girls. Tenshi was able to gather the courage to finally speak out. She faced everyone and, with tears still rolling from her eyes, said what happened.

"We found Mikan-chan at the bottom of the stairs; her wrist was cut and bleeding! And her head was bleeding as well! We couldn't do anything! Tsubame-chan brought her to the hospital and I don't know what happened now!"

I felt my heart blow up into a thousand pieces. What did she say?

_Mikan…_

The thought suddenly registered through my mind. I saw Mikan in my head as she laid down the end of the stairs, a cut in her wrist and a pool of blood where she lay. I couldn't bear the though of seeing her that way.

Without noticing how, I suddenly sprang back to reality. I was now in the hospital where Mikan was checked in. We walked through all the other people and met Tsubame-sempai outside the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital. She was crying.

"Tsubame," I heard Fuji-sempai call his girl friend as he approached her and tightly embraced her.

How I wish I was able to do that to Mikan now. But I couldn't. And even if I knew there were possibilities, I knew that one day I won't even be able to. I panicked and looked directly through the glass window of the ICU. And there I saw her.

There were wires connected to her and there were bandages all over her right wrist and her head.

"What did the doctor say?" Taka-san tried to ask. "She's in a coma. But according to the doctors, he heart is weak, it's very weak. She's no longer fighting to live," said Tsubame, tears uncontrollably falling from her eyes.

"No…" I cursed and moved closer. I looked at her from that distance.

Right now, only the walls and the glass window was being a hindrance. But I was no longer sure whether she'd be with me again after this. It's my fault, I know it.

My heart skipped faster as I saw the readings in the machine. Her heart was growing weaker. Doctors inside the ICU kept on checking on her again and again. I couldn't understand what was happening.

Tenshi and Tsubame were able to enter the ICU wearing hospital robes that the nurses gave them. They sat on the chairs on each side of her bed as she laid there, her face no longer smiling, no longer sad.

_Don't leave me… I know I've been an idiot. Give another chance and I won't leave you again, _I thought and prayed so hard.

As if thoroughly disagreeing with me, her heart rate began to drop. A loud beep from the machine was heard and then doctors started to work on her again. Tenshi and Tsubame were asked to step out from the room while we continued to grow restless outside the room. We saw the doctors pull out the machine used in the movies. They were trying to revive her.

My sempai-tachi and all the others with us started to yell out her name and call out to her. All I could do was to stand there while the doctors were trying to revive her. I wanted to yell out her name as well. I wanted her to hear me call her name once again. And this time I wanted her to know that I meant to call her because I love her, that's why I need her, not for any other reason. She was the only treasure I had and she'll always be the only reason for me to live.

"MIKAN!" I yelled.

As if receiving a sudden amount of strength, she was revived. Her heart began to beat again. Slowly, until her heart began beating normally. Finally, her condition was stable. Although she was still in a coma, I was relieved.

I would wait for her, no matter what. I want her to wake up with me there, by her side, just as she was when I needed her. Now that she's done that before and succeeded, it's my turn to do the same. I will wait for her to wake up and then we'd start over. We'll be inseparable again.

_"I'll wait for you no matter what. Because I know, if I were in your condition, you'd wait for me like I would for you right now. I'm doing this, because I love you, Mikan," _

…

Three months has passed already and here I am, still waiting. I gathered memories of the past three months for her to see when she wakes. We won the National tournament and I'm now Japan's number one seed. I won over the captain and Fuji-sempai. And I happily recorded those unforgettable events. I also developed a hobby of writing down everything that's been happening in a journal for her to read when she wakes up.

All of a sudden, I was brought back to reality by a sudden sound. I was trying to finish my journal writing for today when I heard the sound and looked around the hospital room I was in. I looked at her.

Her wounds have healed and her hair has grown longer now. She looked very beautiful. Her pale cheeks when she was checked-in in this hospital three months ago were now pinkish after all the care that we gave her. All the regulars from both the boys' and girls' tennis club were very enthusiastic into helping me care for her and I felt really happy. She'd be happy; I know she would be, if she finds out that we all took care of her.

And there again I heard a sound. But now it was much clearer. I heard a moan from where Mikan lay.

"Mikan," I whispered her name while I was pressing the intercom at the top of her headboard.

Slowly, she opened her hazel eyes and looked into mine. She was still adjusting her vision. And then when she realized who I was, I saw her lips slowly curve up to a smile.

"Ryoma," she whispered my name and moved her hand to reach me.

I took her hand in mine and held it. The doctors arrived and checked on her. They were happy as well, seeing that after such a long time, they would be able to meet my princess. The whole time they were doing so, I held on to her hand, not letting her go.

I was glad when I finally saw the door close behind the nurse. We were finally alone now.

"I'm glad you woke up," I whispered as I kissed her hand and held it. "I'm glad you're the one with me when I woke up. I thought you'd leave me," her tears suddenly fell.

I stood up and moved closer, leaning over the bed to move closer to her. I kissed the corner of eyes where the tears fell from and then buried my face upon her neck.

"I will never do that again. I regret whatever it is that I did before and I've learned my lesson," I whispered.

"Ryoma…" she whispered my name softly.

I pulled back a little and looked into her eyes. I could see she was happy now. I'm glad. She's finally happy. She was truly happy, in my arms.

I closed the distance between us and kissed her. Her lips softly welcoming every kiss I gave her.


End file.
